Being back from my months of absence, my head is once again filled with thoughts that need to be poured out. Because I only have a blog and not a Pensieve (Harry Potter), I have to make do of what I have.

With a pending application of immigration to Canada, I just cant help thinking of what I will answer once I am asked the question- "What makes you proud of being a Filipino?"

I have given it much thought and the first thing that came into my mind were the pretty things in our country that our government promotes. Then came the things our thinkers have come up with. Then our fellow countrymen who have brought honor and glory to our country. But then the bubble bursts.

But honestly, do you really feel proud of our natural wonders? Do you really think that the accomplishments of others are the ones you should be proud of?

Why are we supposed to be proud of our natural wonders if we are slowly destroying them? Why should we be proud of the structures in our country when they clearly depict the architectural styles of other countries who have occupied us in the past and in the present?

Why should we be proud of what our "thinkers" have come up with? Where are these things that they have come up with? Were we able to use them to help our country? Where did the fluorescent lamp go? The water-powered car?

Can the accomplishments of our countrymen even go near what the Americans did when 9/11 happened? Should we be proud of our very close family ties which most of the time is the cause of problems in our community? Should we be proud of all these? Well, of course, the obvious answer is no.

But then, you hit me back with the questions- "Why don't you cite the positive things in our country? Why take an anti-patriotic stance? Why bring up the things that make our country look bad?"

Here is my answer: Why not?

Why not? Because that is what I am proud of being a Filipino. Amidst all those negative things in our country, the problems in our community and government, our personal problems which never seem to end and all the crap we have to live with each day, we still manage to stay alive- not only simply to stay alive but still live happy lives.

We still have time to relax, unwind and do things for fun. We still have time to laugh at the negative things around us. We can find what's good in the things other people think are crap. We manage to live a good life even when the conditions in our neighborhood seem to be unlivable.

Well, you can also say that what I am saying is full of crap because I live in a semi-exclusive subdivision, with 24/7 internet connection, electric and water supply, eats more than thrice a day and studies in a known school, so how come I say all those even when I don't experience them first-hand?

True, but not quite.

I have friends who live blow the poverty line; the type of friends that if you introduce to your parents, you'll be grounded for life, and I say to you that they are the ones that I want to be with, most of the time. I know the condition they're living, the things I enjoy that they can only enjoy their dreams, and all the things that money can buy that they have no access to. But I envy them because they know how to enjoy without spending money. They even seem to be happier than me, to some point.

But you don't need to experience these things first-hand to know that even the ones living below the poverty line are still living livable lives. Just try to pass though the "depressed areas" in our cities, like the squatter's area along the banks of the Manggahan Floodway. You'll see that people are not malnourished, people are still carrying-on with their daily business and people are still smiling and having fun; looking like they are contented with their lives. How can you even call it a depressed area if the people in there are not even depressed that they live there?

And so, that is what I will say to the people who'll ask me that question once I leave this country. I am proud to be a Filipino because I am able to live a happy life amidst all the bad things in our country. I am proud that I can survive even the worst of the conditions; conditions that people in other countries see as unlivable or even tolerable, be it natural or economic.

Now I think I have and idea why God made me a Filipino: to have a better chance of surviving in this world. Why? Because I can live in my country. What can be harder than living in a third-world country where everything is controlled by the superpower countries?

But still, I can always say the line that should do the trick; "Tang ina mo, ano naman kung sa Pilipinas lang ako galing at nabuhay? Kaya kong mabuhay sa bayan mo, pero kaya mo bang mabuhay sa bayan ko?"

Peace!

I have no grudges with people moving from house to house singing Christmas carols and asking for some gifts in cash or in kind. I give to the people who sing well or at least feel their intention of singing for you in the spirit of Christmas. But it gives me pain in the head when I hear children singing, or to put it right, shouting the words of the supposed to be good Christmas carols just to get attention and be given money. When you give them a small amount, say a peso, they frown at you or even not accept it and ask for higher amounts! It's like they're using caroling as an excuse to beg for money and you have no right not to give them.

I even encountered a single person who went caroling alone! And what's worse is that that person just sang one song and didn't get the words right and didn't even complete it! Then he shouted "Nangangaroling po!" on and on and even pressed the doorbell many times. A concrete example of how thick a Filipino's face can be when it comes to getting money. It is a tradition to sing Christmas carols, not demand money when you shout words at people's houses.

"Thank you, thank you, ambabarat ninyo, thank you!"

I almost rushed outside to whack the hell out of those kids who said that line one time when I said no. The didn't even sing, for Christ's sake! And there they were, demanding me to pay them because they "sang" for me? Hell no! I wouldn't even give a single centavo for the way they sang! And even if they did sing good, if the person said no, you have no right to say "ambabarat ninyo".

It saddens me to see people not celebrating Christmas the way it should be. Christmas season, as they say, is a season of giving. GIVING not demanding. If you are not given, don't demand.
If you are given something, say "Thank You".

This would be the only thing I would ask this Christmas. I wish that people would learn the true meaning of Christmas and live it in their lives. That way, our celebration for the Yuletide season would be a little easier to endure. ^__^

Peace!

“Through you eyes, everything’s clear. And I’m home inside your arms… But I’m alone for now”
-Safe Place, Staind, Break the Cycle

It sucks to remember the times in your life when you have admitted that you are in love and in a while, the feeling crumbles into ashes. It is harder to accept that nothing happened to your liking when you have thought that everything was working out fine. That sucks. Big time.

“…I think of you to ease my pain… But you’re so far…”
-Safe Place, Staind, Break the Cycle

When you look back, you’ll just see that it’s good that nothing happened. Up to the point that you are ashamed it and try to cover it up or just try to rid the memories from your head. And that suck even more. Sucks to the highest degree.

“…now it’s time to say goodbye. I love you baby, please don’t cry.”
-Safe Place, Staind, Break the Cycle

Then you try to put it in your system that it’s over. You try to accept that it can never be so you try not to think about it anymore. You say to yourself that the circumstances dictate things contrary to what you want so you don’t pursue it anymore. You put it in your head and let your whole being accept it. And then you get a headache. Who were you trying to fool? You think it’s the other person’s loss, but you then become the laughing stock in the end.

“Fool to think I can break all the rules. Damage inside, still I act cool…”
-Runaway, Urbandub, Influence

You know you’re hurt but you won’t and will never accept it. You try to look for others to fill the void, but you still yearn for the person you try to forget. You meet other people but things don’t work out. You feel your situation’s hopeless and think that the only solution is death, either you or the other. But then that thought disappears.

“I’m in a car underwater with time to kill…”
-Car Underwater, Armor for Sleep, Car Underwater

Then you try to imagine what that person will do when you’re gone. Be sad? Be happy? Follow me? Condemn me? Who knows? But then you realize that it will be a waste of time to do that, or even think of doing that. So then, you sleep.

“These wounds won’t seem to heal, this pain is just too real. There’s just too much that time cannot erase…”
-My Immortal, Evanescence, Fallen

It’s stuck to your system. It can’t be erased, it can’t be forgotten, and it will never go away. Might as well live with it…

“In my heart you’ll stay permanent…”
-A New Tattoo, Urbandub, Influence

Wake up, stand up, this is life. Live with it! Shit happens so learn from it. We know it won’t go away so think of it as an unwanted tattoo which cannot be erased. It’s stuck to you forever. And remember, you let it be done to you in the first place.

“I’ll be waiting for the end of my broken heart…”
-End of Heartache, Killswitch Engage, Resident Evil

There is nothing left to do but swallow all your pride and accept the truth. Then say it to the world.

“In this life you’re a flower and a thorn…”
-Head Over Heels, Switchfoot, Oh! Gravity

Then you try to live you life again. Act as though nothings troubling you. You try to act normally but you know, deep inside, that you can’t and never will. There will always be that thorn on your side that can’t be removed. Yet still you carry on.

“There is nothing left for me to say… All hope is lost and now it ends…”
-Imperial Cataclysm, Luigi Lejano, Unreleased

As you might have guessed, I am once again doing what I do best; accepting and denying it at the same time. Yes, I still love her but I have turned my back on the thought of having her as my own. I have accepted it in my system that it will never be. Even if she will give me a chance, I will still decline. It won’t and never will work out. I have seen that fact even before I tried to fight for it. Though I’m sure that I will meet another one in the future, she will always have a piece of my heart.

And so I shout it our into the world; “I still and always will love you, even though you never did for me”

Thus I have said it, there is nothing more left for me to say about this.

i love her and i know it

she's with someone and I can't do anything about it

when the time is right, I'll know what to do

and when that time comes, we'll see what will happen

the open letter I made was really for her, I know she doesn't know it and I know she never will

who she is will remain a mystery to all of you, and it is for me to long

the day will come when I will finally say it to her

but I know that it will not be in the near future

I have let go, I have given it up, I have lived with it...

And now, I have moved on...

At the end of one thing, there surely is one thing that begins

I know it for a fact, for I have seen it straight in the eye

what will happen when I do it? only God knows

so it was said, so it shall be done

a "poem" i wrote for no one in particular...

Goodbye

Now I have concluded/ and this time it's true
It could have been prevented/ but it's all because of you
Now I've given it up/ Now I'm letting go;
The thing I longed to have/ yet never meant to be

People change/ but the way you changed was not human
The time we used to spend/ doing nothing, thinking nothing
And that once upon a time/ when I thought you were the one
It's gone/ erased though time

Now is the time to go/ there's nothing left to do
It's not fair why it had to end/ but now my heart can't be filled with regret
I'm not gonna wail/ like I did last time
This is what I'll do to make you see/ see the pain you left to me

I'll spit you out. tear my heart to pull you out
With my hands wrapped in blood/ I'll throw you out
I'll smile as I see you leave/ soon, I'll be in peace
Turn my back from you/ deny I once knew you

From now on I shall walk alone/ free from your curse
Shout it to the air/ the last words I'll say
Let it go, Give it up, Live with it...
That's what I'll do... Goodbye...


panis. tula pa lang kc wla pang music/chords/notes

“Too much of something is bad enough… Too much of nothing is just as tough…”; a few lines from the Spice Girls’ old song “Too Much”. It is true indeed and a good thing for us to keep in mind.

Today, we live in a fast-paced world where 24 hours a day does not seem to be enough. No matter what we try to do, there seems to be no solution to our “Out of Time” problem, thus we tend to give up certain things to make way for the things that need our attention more.

Students may want to play or have some fun but they also need to study and catch up on the demands of their school. Professionals may want to spend time with their friends and have a good time but they need to work and excel in their chosen profession.

Most people choose work or their way of earning income above all else while others invest more in relationships, recreation, or their passions in life. But sometimes, they tend to go beyond what’s necessary and losing what they gave up temporarily permanently. This often leads to bad things. Their social lives crumble, their assets dissolve, their lives start to become miserable, they start to loose everything they hold dear which soon leads to insanity or death by their own hands.

So what would be the best solution to this problem? We return to the message of the song: a little bit of everything would go a long way. Balance between everything we need and want. If you say that you can live without fulfilling just some of your wants, you’re fooling no one. It’s human nature to satisfy your wants, at least some of them.

But when the time comes when we must really choose, we must remember one thing: prioritize. We may give up things temporarily but we should not remove or even try to remove them from our lives. We should still work and give time to our families, study well and play just as well, do what we want but not forget about our responsibilities. And when people do that, they shall see that the world isn’t a miserable and cruel place to live in at all. And we must also remember that whatever things we do with our time, we should always lift them up to the Father so that our time will always be well spent.

Let it go.

Are'nt the years enough to tell you it's not worth fighting for? Are'nt the years enough to tell you it's never meant to happen?

Give it up.

It's pointless to force a thing which is destined NOT to happen. It's stupid to hold on to a thing which was not there in the first place.

Being faithful is useless if you devote yourself to something which won't become reality. The juice never was worth the squeeze, you were not even given the chance to squeeze the fruit in the first place.

Accept the fact.

It will never happen. It will never become reality. Let it burn out. Let it die down.

Don't waste your life thinking about what "can be" if it "can't be". Pessimistic? No, just down-to-earth and realistic. Assess the facts, look at it with an open mind and see the truth: IT CAN NEVER HAPPEN IN THIS LIFE.

Let it go. Give it up. Live with it.

And so it was said, so it shall be done.

Why remain single?

I can recall that I have been asked this question since my Junior High School days. Everyday since then, I have been haunted by this question. I always thought hard about it and now I have a good and reasonable answer.

And my answer is simple. My answer is my favorite question: Why not?

Yes, I may have done some wrong choices in the past about this and I admit they still haunt me up to this day. I have been turned down, I have conceded. I bailed out, I burned out and I have lost friends. And then I realized my mistake: being in a relationship does not fill the void and satisfy the feeling of emotional emptiness. One must only look at his surroundings and enjoy what he has. It may not work for all, but at least it worked for me.

You can say that I was traumatized because of the events that happened in the past. Yes, well, shit happens. But shit is there to be avoided the next time you encounter it. Let me clarify: I enjoy and never regretted being single but I am not giving up on the thought of meeting her someday (and making her mine in the process ^_^).

From here, you saw my first reason. My second reason is my passion for gaming. I can recall that my friends joked that if I give my attention (and funds) to a woman instead of the games I play, I will surely have a wife by now. You do not believe it? Try 6-10 hours (or more now that we have a shop) a day and not missing an appointment any day of the week except on the day of the Lord. I know and I admit that if I am to choose from the games I play or my dream girl, I will undoubtedly choose the games I play… unless she also plays the games I play and share the same passion I have! ^_^

Inconceivable as it may seem, that is the truth. Nobody knows ourselves better than us and if you lie to yourself, what more can you do to another person? Being myself, I know I invest more in my games... And my true friends know how much investment I put into it. ^_^

And now, we reach my third and final reason : my unique and impossible-to-follow lifestyle. Of all the people I know, I only know a handful whose lifestyle is somewhat parallel to mine (no need to name names). Imagine a professional bum-musician, plays bass for the Church, skates on the wee hours of the morning, plays his games religiously and sleeps on his free time. Include teaching his sisters, responsibilities at home and in school, and the responsibility of creating art out of the skateboards of other people. What do you see? I see nothing.

Nothing can be added and nothing can be removed. In the current life that I live, it is impossible to put love in it. With the responsibilities that I have, I will not have time for the one I love. In the current life that I live, the one I love cannot live along with me. Loving the one I love is not applicable in my life, for now.

This piece was made not to advertise myself (as opposed to what others might think). This was created for the sole purpose of clarifying, for my friends, once and for all, why I choose to remain single. Believe in what you want, it is not important for me. As long as I had my say and everyone has at least heard a bit of it, I have nothing more to ask.

The law makers have been arguing about it for quite sometime and the Church, as always, interfered once again. Now that the death penalty or capital punishment has been abolished, the Philippines will surely be a different place.

Why, though, would I react to such a thing that does not affect me directly? I say so because that no that it is history, the criminals and would-be criminals will surely smile wider. Yes, life imprisonment is still bad, but it is more bearable than the death sentence.

The Church also had their say about this issue. They said that taking the life of a person is a violation of God’s Commandments, which I plan not to contest. But if the person sentenced to death killed people before he was taken into custody, which would be the lesser of the two evils? I’d rather take the life of the murderer and be branded one than be eaten by my conscience for setting a madman free on the streets or keeping him idle in a cell and not serving justice equally. Ultimately, the judging still lies in the hands of the Father but I am sure that He will forgive me, if ever I get the chance to make that decision, for it was not for personal vengeance but for the good of the majority.

But now that I am still a college student with no way, whatsoever, of changing the decision of those who abolished it, will walk our city streets with more caution for I know for a fact that the only thing keeping the criminals at bay is gone. Even if it pains me to say this, the Philippines will be a bit less safe now that it is gone.

Here's a little something for you RF-Ph players out there... Pampaalis lng ng boredom...

I noticed something about the quality of raiders in the Anacaade Settlement of the Bellato in Altrax, they are not capable enough to kill the one's they were there for in the first place. Why? Here is an example...



In this picture (pasin-tabi na lng kung character mo yung isa sa dalawang to), these are two relatively high-levelled players (di hamak na mas mataas kesa sakin) who are whacking and shooting the hell out of my character (yung nasa gitna). As I've analyzed it a while ago, the one with the sword is about lvl 37-39 and the one with the gun is level 35-37. Guess my level? It's only 32... ^_^ And note: I'm only using 1k potions and I'm equipped only with a lvl-31 shield and lvl 31 Long Range armor (both intense).

There are only three possible reasons why this is so...

1. The Accretians are getting weaker and more weaker troops raid our settlements.
2. I'm getting stronger.
3. All of the above.

My guess is the first option... They can't even kill the freshly-promoted characters! Of course, excluding the god-damned raiders with very strong weapons and high PT's (I salute you), namely the well-PT'd lvl 40+ and the properly-dressed lvl 45+ with ridiculously large amounts of Keen Talics in their weaponry, the raiders are unbelievably weak! They come to hopefully increase their contribution points but instead, they waste large amounts of potions and
end up either giving their contribution points or bailing-out...

Well, just my observation... Peace!

Peace po sa Delta Guild, kung sakaling maligaw kayo dito...